Brainspotting for Grief: Why Grief Gets Stuck in the Body & How It Can Move

Many of the people who come to me for help with grief say something like this: I understand my grief completely, I know where it comes from, I have talked about it for years, & it still feels the same in my body. If that sounds like you, nothing is wrong with you or with the effort you have put in. Grief lives in a part of the brain & body that talking alone often cannot reach, & that is where Brainspotting can help.

I am a Brainspotting consultant & occupational therapist with more than 25 years in the healing field, & grief & loss are among my specialties. In this post, I will explain where grief is stored, why it can stay stuck, how Brainspotting works with it & what a session is like, so you can decide whether it feels like the right support for you.

Why Does Grief Feel Stuck Even After Years of Talking About It?

Talking about a loss can help you make sense of it, & many people find real comfort in sharing their story with someone who listens well. Many people also reach a point where more talking stops changing how grief feels.

The reason has to do with how the brain stores experience. The thinking part of the brain, called the neocortex, is where we organize our story & find words. Grief is also held in deeper parts of the brain that store feelings, sensations & body memories long before language gets involved. You can understand a loss completely with your thinking brain & still feel the weight of it in your chest every morning, because those two parts of you work at different levels. That is why it can feel so confusing when you have already done so much work, since your mind has made peace & your body is still waiting to finish.

Where Does Grief Live in the Body & Brain?

Grief is a whole-body experience. It shows up in the way you breathe, sleep, eat & move through your day, & it has a home in the brain that helps explain why.

The Subcortical Brain

Beneath the thinking brain is the subcortical brain, which sits near the brainstem & holds sensations, emotions, memories & intuition. This part of the brain speaks in feelings, images & body sensations instead of words, & because it connects to the brainstem, it sends those sensations into the rest of the body. This is why Brainspotting is called a somatic approach, which means it works with the body's sensations together with the brain.

How Grief Shows Up in the Body

People describe grief as heaviness in the chest, a lump in the throat, a tight stomach, deep tiredness or a numb, far away feeling. It can also arrive as a wave in an ordinary moment, like hearing a song in the grocery store or seeing someone's handwriting. These waves are your nervous system carrying something that has not yet had the chance to finish processing.

How Does Brainspotting Work for Grief & Loss?

Brainspotting is a brain-based approach that helps the brain process what it has been holding at the level where it is stored. It is built around a simple idea that you can test for yourself, which is that where you look affects how you feel.

Where You Look Affects How You Feel

Your eye position is connected to different parts of your brain, so a certain spot in your visual field can connect to where grief is held. We call that point a Brainspot. When we find it & stay with it, the brain gets a direct line to the place where the grief lives, & it can begin to process at its own pace.

You Do Not Have to Retell Your Story

Many people avoid more therapy because they are tired of telling the story again. In Brainspotting the story is optional, since we work with the sensation in your body right now, whether that is a tight chest or a heavy feeling, & your brain does the rest. You can share as much or as little about your loved one as feels right to you.

Following Your Brain's Lead

Your brain already knows how to heal, & my job is to stay curious & stay close while it does. I do not steer the session toward a certain outcome. I stay with you as your brain goes where it needs to go, & I trust that it knows the way.

What Happens in a Brainspotting Session for Grief?

If you have never had a session, it helps to know the steps ahead of time. Every session is a little different, & it always moves at your pace.

We begin with a topic you choose, which might be the loss itself, a sensation in your body, a hard moment like the holidays, or simply the feeling of missing someone. Next, I help you find your Brainspot by noticing where your eyes naturally settle as you think about that topic & what you feel in your body. Some clients choose to listen to bilateral music, which can support the process. Then you hold your gaze on that spot & notice whatever comes up, whether that is feelings, images, memories, or nothing at all, while I stay with you as a steady, attuned presence. In my experience, having someone calm & present beside you makes the process feel much safer.

Afterward, many clients feel cloudy, sleepy, tender or even a little euphoric as the brain keeps working, & some notice the processing continuing over the next few days. This is common, & I encourage clients to rest, drink water & be gentle with themselves.

What Changes After Brainspotting for Grief?

Grief is a sign of love, so the goal is never to make it disappear. The goal is to help your body carry it differently.

Many clients describe the weight lifting, the waves becoming softer & less frequent, & memories of their loved one feeling warm instead of painful. Others say they sleep better or can finally be around reminders they used to avoid. Results are different for every person, & I never promise a specific outcome, but the pattern I see most often is that the love stays while the pain begins to move through.

Why Does Grief Feel Heavier During the Holidays?

If your grief feels louder between All Souls Day & the end of the year, you are far from alone. This is one of the most common times for people to reach out.

The holiday season is full of reminders, from empty chairs at the table to traditions you used to share, & it often comes with pressure to feel joyful when your heart is heavy. Anything you have been holding at arm's length during a busy year suddenly has more room to surface, which can be a sign that your system is ready for care. I would rather you get support now than carry it alone through the season.

Is Brainspotting Right for Me?

Brainspotting can be a good fit for many kinds of loss, including the death of a family member, a friend or a pet, as well as the loss of a relationship or a way of life. It works well for people who feel stuck after traditional talk therapy & for people trying therapy for the first time, & it can also support you alongside the counselor, doctor or support group you already see.

Brainspotting is a gentle approach with no pressure to do anything you are not ready for. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, please call or text 988 in the US or contact your local emergency services right away.

Frequently Asked Questions About Brainspotting & Grief

Do I have to talk about my loved one?

No. You can share as little or as much as you like, & the work can happen through the sensations in your body even when you choose to say very little.

Can Brainspotting be done on Zoom?

Yes. Many clients do sessions on Zoom from a quiet, comfortable space at home, & I also offer sessions in person in Stoughton, WI.

How many sessions will I need?

It depends on the person & the loss, so I do not have a set number. We can start with a session or two to see how your system responds & decide together what feels right from there.

Ready to Let Your Grief Move?

If you have been carrying grief that will not budge, I would be honored to support you. I offer Brainspotting sessions on Zoom nationwide & in person in Stoughton, WI, & new clients are welcome. A quick note that session rates are increasing on January 1, 2027, so booking before December 31st locks in the current rate.

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Heather Corbet is a Certified Brainspotting Consultant, Assistant Phase 1 Trainer in Schools & Occupational Therapist with over 25 years of experience working with children, families & practitioners. She specializes in neurodivergence, sensory processing, trauma & generational healing.